why i create

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sometimes i forget why i create. i look at a layout after i'm done with it and i think it just looks like poop and i want to rip it up and start again.

do you ever do that? i do it with photos of myself too. most times i see myself in a picture i instantly decide i don't like it and want to delete it from the camera. then when i go back to my past photos i think -my hair looked pretty like that or those jeans looked goooood. but at the time i NEVER think that!

what i remember about the past are the good things like how it was so fun when we used to go for 2 hr lunches every day in high school and buy a latte and a bagel every day for lunch and how when we were in university how what i was going to wear to the bar that night was a really critical decision in my day. or just sitting and talking for hours. about nothing. about everything.

when i look to the future i do the same thing, i anticipate all the good that will come like how it will be so fun when we all have kids and can all do holidays together or how it will be so great when we dont' have to work 12 hr days and we can go on vacations to faraway places.

when i think about the now i always have something pressing that i'm worried about ....so that's one of the reasons i create.

it helps me focus on the now and appreciate it. and that's really why i scrapbook.

sometimes i get so overwhelmed by all the stuff.

by all the people that are SO good

by the thought that i'll never get it all down on paper

but i won't

there's just no way - life is too full for that

life is too busy for that and life also too big for pieces of paper

but in the pieces of paper i can show pieces of my life

and that's why i create.