Getting better...

Pin It Now! I have never been one to workout.  Luckily pre-kids you couldn't really tell.  I could eat for the most part what I wanted.  I wasn't the most fit looking person but I could fake it when I needed to.  In the last five or so years that has started to change....and two kids and two years later and that is certainly no longer the case.  I have a completely different body than I did prior.  And that's ok - obviously it was all worth it.  But the truth is?  I'm mad that I let myself get to the point where I didn't take care of myself physically in the first place.  I spent some time with a dear old relative this past week.  Realistically she doesn't have much time left with us - and I think she knows that.  But she is the sweetest most gentle soul.  Her body is totally failing her though.  She's all hunched over, uses a cain, she's frail.  It sort of made me want to kick myself.  I realized in that moment that we have one body - and that I should probably start treating mine properly.

Here's the thing:  all along I kept waiting for this magical moment where I'd want to workout.  Where it wouldn't seem like a chore.  Where I wouldn't dread it.  Because dreading something isn't good right?  I rationalized it by telling myself that if I had 40 free minutes to myself each day I'd rather do something I actually enjoy (which was always something sedentary like lying down on the couch and watching TV).

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I wish I could say that the moment came when I had an epiphany and realized what would make me feel excited about working out....but I think I've come to the realization that for me at least that moment will never come.  I read somewhere recently about someone who lost a lot of weight and one of the catalysts was that she realized that it wasn't that clothes looked bad on her prior, it was that her body looked bad in the clothes - and if you were fit then, well everything would look good.  It all sounds so petty, so shallow - and I always prided myself on not really caring that much about that type of stuff.  But if I'm being honest with myself I think that was just a bit of a cover for the real truth - that I just don't really like to workout so I would just put it off.  The truth is I don't enjoy it.  I don't look forward to it, I see it as a total chore, there are numerous reasons - one big one which sounds ridiculous but I feel is totally rational is that I hate having to wash my hair - I have such thick hair and it takes for-EVER so not working out saves me time....ok so that's one reason I hate it, realistically I probably always will. But at the same time - I do want to be able to go shopping for clothes and buy what I like vs. thinking "will this cover the inner tube that's hanging around where my stomach used to be?" 

This picture has nothing to do with this post I just think it's funny and I hate to have a post with no picture.

Then a funny thing happened to me and I realized what would and could (hopefully) be my motivation to make myself stick with working out and eating healthy.  I want to commit myself to eating better and working out because I'm so sucky at it.  I'm good at most things.  Not to brag, but it's true.  I'm a good mom.  I'm a good friend, I'm good at my job, I try hard to be a good person and I put my heart and soul into things that I enjoy and as a result I'm good at them and have a great life.....I think because I love what I do (in general/work,mom, etc) then by nature it doesn't really feel like a chore.  But I hate working out - I suck at working out.  I'm the queen of excuses.  Even when I do workout I sometimes secretly "accidentally" on purpose show up 5 minutes late so that I can skip the first five minutes of a class.  So I need to do this to prove myself wrong.  To kick my own but.  To think about my long term self.  Of me at 85 - I want to be the healthiest me that I can be, all along the ride.

So - pardon me while I go downstairs and put on my Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred DVD (Barf!)

All the little things

Pin It Now! This life of mine is so different now then it was two years ago.  K. and I have been reminiscing about how quickly and how much our lives have changed in such a short period of time.  I am constantly amazed by how normal this all feels considering just how DIFFERENT it is.  I got my hair done this week for the first time in I think around 6 months judging by my roots and was amazed to hear myself telling my hairdresser that the amount of sleep you get just somehow feels normal and you get used to living on less sleep.  I remember I used to be the type of person that would count the hours of sleep I'd get and if it was in the 8-10hr zone I would be happy, anything under 8 hours and I'd plan for a rough day.  Now I think that 8 hours would be a small miracle and I think my new normal is probably between 5 and 7 but honestly I've stopped counting.

I really feel so blessed to have these two little boys in my life and it really is all the little things that I love most:
The gross fuzz in between Liam's toes
Cleaning up Jonah's thousand little plastic toys after he is in bed
Folding tiny clothes
Checking in on Jonah at night - he's getting big enough that he knows how to open his sleep sac zipper so I'll tuck his legs back in and do up the zipper
Getting scared by Jonah when he shouts"BO!"
Seeing Liam's little eyes light up at the sight of his big bro
Hiding Jonah's little sesame street characters in various places around the house and watching him get so excited when he finds them
Maintaining our house: Cleaning, menu planning, grocery shopping, tidying up in the evenings when I know they are both sound asleep upstairs.

I was lucky enough to knock out a few layouts for Liam a week or so ago when he took a miraculously long nap - I am still obsessed with all things teal and yellow:

Liam is two months old this week - eee!  We had his 8 week check up and I forgot to ask how long he was but he is 12lbs.09oz so trucking along in the weight department....I knew that his carrier was starting to feel heavier!  He is getting even better with his sleeping now going from about 9 or so until 5:30 or 6am - it's been so wonderful - I need to get better at going to bed earlier b/c I'll just stay up in the morning until Jonah is up now so need to get better at heading to bed before 11:30 or so.  Liam has been fussy in the evenings and eventually will go down at about 8:30 or 9.   He's started smiling and coo-ing, almost conversationally.  It's cute!  His little heart birthmark on his chest is now really red and raised - it is adorable and turns out he has a tiny one on his cheek too...I thought it was just a little scrape but nope, it's another strawberry.  We go lots of places together.  I've started going to the gym a few times a week so he comes with me and so far is a pro at the daycare there.  He's also started to tolerate his mamaroo for a few minutes at a time which is handy come dinner time.  He is starting to like to kick around in his activity mat too which is another dinnertime helper.  The toughest part of our day is Jonah's dinnertime because they are just both cranky so what I'll normally do is either wheel over Liam's bassinet to the table or put his carseat up on the table so that I can have one hand for each of them.  Normally by the time Kirk gets home at 6 or so I'm pretty wiped from that dinner hour mayhem but the rest of the day they are pretty good together.  I am thankful for the break I have with Jonah at daycare, the mornings with both of them have become a nice routine, I let them each wake up on their own time and we just take our time getting ready, playing and having breakfast.

K gotta run - sounds like nap time is done!