Getting better...

Pin It Now! I have never been one to workout.  Luckily pre-kids you couldn't really tell.  I could eat for the most part what I wanted.  I wasn't the most fit looking person but I could fake it when I needed to.  In the last five or so years that has started to change....and two kids and two years later and that is certainly no longer the case.  I have a completely different body than I did prior.  And that's ok - obviously it was all worth it.  But the truth is?  I'm mad that I let myself get to the point where I didn't take care of myself physically in the first place.  I spent some time with a dear old relative this past week.  Realistically she doesn't have much time left with us - and I think she knows that.  But she is the sweetest most gentle soul.  Her body is totally failing her though.  She's all hunched over, uses a cain, she's frail.  It sort of made me want to kick myself.  I realized in that moment that we have one body - and that I should probably start treating mine properly.

Here's the thing:  all along I kept waiting for this magical moment where I'd want to workout.  Where it wouldn't seem like a chore.  Where I wouldn't dread it.  Because dreading something isn't good right?  I rationalized it by telling myself that if I had 40 free minutes to myself each day I'd rather do something I actually enjoy (which was always something sedentary like lying down on the couch and watching TV).

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I wish I could say that the moment came when I had an epiphany and realized what would make me feel excited about working out....but I think I've come to the realization that for me at least that moment will never come.  I read somewhere recently about someone who lost a lot of weight and one of the catalysts was that she realized that it wasn't that clothes looked bad on her prior, it was that her body looked bad in the clothes - and if you were fit then, well everything would look good.  It all sounds so petty, so shallow - and I always prided myself on not really caring that much about that type of stuff.  But if I'm being honest with myself I think that was just a bit of a cover for the real truth - that I just don't really like to workout so I would just put it off.  The truth is I don't enjoy it.  I don't look forward to it, I see it as a total chore, there are numerous reasons - one big one which sounds ridiculous but I feel is totally rational is that I hate having to wash my hair - I have such thick hair and it takes for-EVER so not working out saves me time....ok so that's one reason I hate it, realistically I probably always will. But at the same time - I do want to be able to go shopping for clothes and buy what I like vs. thinking "will this cover the inner tube that's hanging around where my stomach used to be?" 

This picture has nothing to do with this post I just think it's funny and I hate to have a post with no picture.

Then a funny thing happened to me and I realized what would and could (hopefully) be my motivation to make myself stick with working out and eating healthy.  I want to commit myself to eating better and working out because I'm so sucky at it.  I'm good at most things.  Not to brag, but it's true.  I'm a good mom.  I'm a good friend, I'm good at my job, I try hard to be a good person and I put my heart and soul into things that I enjoy and as a result I'm good at them and have a great life.....I think because I love what I do (in general/work,mom, etc) then by nature it doesn't really feel like a chore.  But I hate working out - I suck at working out.  I'm the queen of excuses.  Even when I do workout I sometimes secretly "accidentally" on purpose show up 5 minutes late so that I can skip the first five minutes of a class.  So I need to do this to prove myself wrong.  To kick my own but.  To think about my long term self.  Of me at 85 - I want to be the healthiest me that I can be, all along the ride.

So - pardon me while I go downstairs and put on my Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred DVD (Barf!)