Blog Your Heart

Pin It Now!

I have followed Stephanie's blog for a long time now.....since before I had kids.  I love her posts and particularly her Blog Your Heart series...here is the how to straight from Stephanie: 

1. blog whatever is authentic. whatever is truly on your mind and in your heart.

2. it can be serious, silly, short, long. note:no one said it has to be serious. but it should be authentic.

3. no judging allowed no snarky comments, no making fun, no passive agressive digs.if you are going to read the blogs linked below, don't be mean. nothing here is whining. it's me honestly sharing my feelings. if you feel that it's whining, then you don't have to read. :)

Since I'm long overdue for a post I decided to play along....so here goes: 

1. I have tabled this before here but this continues to overwhelm me in a weird way.  I love social media, the internet, and all it's goodness.....Blogging, Pinterest, Twitter, Facebook etc....but in a way I have a love/hate relationship with it.  I gave up Facebook for a few years all together because of it but now I'm back on and for the most part I love it.  But sometimes it still just overwhelms me in the silliest way...like how to organize it all and keep tabs of it all and just keep up really, it just sort of seems like too much.  For example: I'll have a random thought like how I still get Katy Perry and Zooey Deschanel confused...and then I think...is this a tweet?  A Facebook Status update? and then sometimes instead of sharing I just don't because I don't know where to put it. I know his is a total #firstworldproblem  but it's the truth.  I'm also sort of bad at social media in general.  I enjoy it - but I feel like I look at all these blogs that are formatted so perfectly and have all these cute little tabs etc and I just feel like mine is sort of piecemeal and also I have things on it that I wouldn't know how to remove if I tried (like the pin it button on each post :))...I don't actually think people would want to pin my posts but added it one day when I was trying to add a "follow me" button and now I think it's there for good because I have no clue how to remove it.  Then I will actually spend time trying to fix it and it won't work and I'll get frustrated that I wasted time doing something that seems so silly.  On the flipside I'm happy that I have girlfriends that I can go to to make comments like the one above....but I still love the idea of capturing things somewhere that's a bit more permanent as a record of sorts....it's why I love scrapbooking and blogging in the first place...just a place to document and really stay present, and for me allows me to have an archive of what to be thankful for and also an outlet and a way to stay positive about things.  

2. I have recently been thinking a lot about aging.  I think part of it is that having kids has made everything feel like it's moving at warp speed.  I also have been thinking lately how age besides the distinction between being a kid and being an adult doesn't really matter much.  I used to make excuses for people that were younger than me....and in a weird way sometimes for people that were older than me - but more recently I decided that is sort of crap - and I don't know if you've noticed this but it so true that there is "ageism" out there....like b/c I'm now 31 I feel like I totally remember 20 like it was yesterday...but then I go to talk to someone who is actually 20....and they look at me like I have two heads....so I hope on the flipside that I don't do that to people who are way older than me...but I'm sure I do and should probably be more careful not to.  I also have this bittersweet relationship with my age right now.  Up until the last few years I felt like my life was just getting started or just about to start, like there was lots to come....and now all of the sudden I feel like this is it and it's actually happening.  I'm a grown up.  Adult.  And that is SO strange to me in so many ways. I know that people that see me see me as who I am, a lady with two little kids, a dog and a husband....but in a weird way I still feel 23 with a gaggle of girlfriends and not a care in the world (except that at the time I had SO many cares...everything was very dramatic).  I don't care so much about getting older - like it doesn't bother me to talk about my age or anything like that - but I know that right now this blur that is my life is the stuff that I'll look back on with such fondness and that sort of breaks my heart a bit.  Like how small and sweet the babies are - it's like I've already forgotten how cute and small Jonah was just a year ago - at the time I always feel like I'm taking lots of pictures but now when I look at pictures of him as a baby or even last year I wish I had a million more so I could remember everything about him like his fat little legs or the way that his stomach stuck out and his back sort of warped forward.  And every day I smell Liam and he just smells so wonderful.  Like a mix of strawberries and milk that's a bit sour and it is such a delicious sweet smell that if I didn't write down I would be sure to forget.  

3. I have a really weird relationship with television shows.  I feel like I am friends with the cast of Girls and Parenthood, like the characters themselves and I'm pretty convinced that if I met any of the actors in real life we would be friends.  I just love both of those shows so much.  I also love Adele and Katy Perry in the same way.  I.e. I sort of feel like they are my friends in real life and want to have them over to my house to drink wine and watch TV.  Same with Ellen DeGeneres. 

4.  My life took a big turn this past summer.  I left a job that I had been at since...well really for my entire adult career.  In retrospect this likely was the best move for our family as a whole but professionally I struggled with the decision and what it meant for a while.  I'm still processing it all to be honest.  I feel like the last few months have been sort of up in the air in terms of what I was going to do - and really my identity alongside it and it is just recently that we've made the decision that I am going to stay at home for a while - I was off work this past year but really since it was part of my maternity leave it always felt like there was an expiration date on it.  Now that we've made the decision that I will be home I sort of just feel relieved - like I have this weight off my chest.  It was not an easy decision by any means.  I will miss working.  I will miss that shared perspective that Kirk and I had that came from us both being in high pressure fast paced work environments.  And I think to be a mom is tough regardless of if you work outside the home or not because if you stay home you miss out on your own life at work and to work you miss out on life at home - so there really is no perfect answer and you just have to figure out a way to navigate the best way for your family.  For us, for now this is the best thing - and I'm looking at it as a blessing that I get to be with my kids.  There is so much time in the day that we are together just us and that is such a special and nice thing to have.  I one hundred percent get frustrated and feel isolated and cut off but I do things to try to stay connected and in those moments of feeling really overwhelmed with crying/whining/messy babies I just put on YouTube and we have a dance party.  

Now for the quick monthly kid check in: 

Liam @ 10 Months:

Is faaaaaast at crawling.  

Puts EVERYTHING into his mouth.  Today it was a crayola marker (open....and purple in case you are curious).  Yesterday it was a Cars Sticker.  I saw him chewing on something so scooped him and didn't feel anything and then a few minutes later he was still chewing away so I lifted him above me and sure enough shiny metallic Cars sticker from the dollar store.  The day before that it was the fooseball ball...and the only reason I knew is that Jonah said "Mommy - Liam eats Ball" (thank goodness).  Other culprits include Ben's food (all. the. time.) and any type of fluff or material he comes across on the ground. 

Is pretty mellow and laid back.  The only time he squawks is when he's hungry or tired...and then he sounds sort of like a choking dinosaur...Kirk said that it hurts his throat to make the noise that Liam makes.  ha.  

He'll sit now in the grocery cart but after a while gets tired and sort of tips to the side or looks straight back and then starts to tip back (ha). 

Jonah @ 27 Months: 

Is so funny.  We have this little bag of random toys that were either mine when I was smaller or have been collected through the years when other peoples kids have been over...anyway he discovered it recently and loves digging into it and playing with it.  He found a mini-skateboard this week and has taken a liking to it.  He calls it "my skatingboard".  I love hearing his little toddler talk and how he's starting to put words together.  

Will now call my name about a hundred times and then when I answer say "What doing?".  Ha. He's cute. 

Will fall down a lot but always gets right back up and says "AhhhmmmOkaaaayyyyy" 

Got into Kirk's hair gel the other day and totally did his hair.  Twice.  Was super greasy but so sweet and hillarious.  

They are starting to play together and it's so cute I could die.
xoxo